My younger brother and I were raised by our mum single-handedly after my parents divorced when I was six. My mum had to work two jobs to help support the family, hence we only get to see her over the weekends. Despite all that life threw at her, she soldiered on bravely. Amazingly, we have never seen her complained. She was a really strong woman. Either that, or she was very good at masking her difficulties.
Due to the circumstances then, my brother and I were left in the care of our cranky grandmother. Our grandmother was a tough woman who would curse at us whenever we made a mistake, no matter how minor it was. It didn’t help that I was a rebellious child and my brother was the apple of her eye.
Nevertheless, I have taken a happy-go-lucky approach and learnt to take things in stride. I would say that I’ve had a happy childhood as my mum loved us dearly. I still remember calling mum almost every single day to seek guidance for my homework and to chit-chat about everything and anything under the sun.
Being the eldest in a single-parent family, I naturally grew up to be independent, disciplined and mature even as a child. In fact, my first part -time job when I was still in primary 5 was sweeping apartment corridors and compounds after school! It felt as though I was living ahead of my time, far more mature than my peers. Besides studying hard, I also participated in a lot of extra-curricular activities to improve myself on all fronts. I wasn’t the brightest student but I studied hard and obtained above average grades.
Even during my secondary school days, I always gave my best effort to my studies, believing firmly that a good education would lead to a better life. While in college, I gave tuition and took up other part-time jobs so that I would not need to spend my mother’s hard-earned money. After I graduated and started working full-time, I continued to take on part-time jobs during weekends. It felt “good” and satisfying because I was utilizing my time fully – I was able to help support the family and have extra money for savings.
Due to my family background, I was quite skeptical when it came to relationships. Even when I was in courtship with my husband, I wasn’t convinced about starting a family with him initially. I had even prepared myself mentally to accept the eventuality that our relationship would not work out. Hence, I ruled out any thoughts of starting a family until I was financially able to care and provide for a child of my own.
During my relationship then, I was also extra careful because I didn’t want to get pregnant. I just wasn’t prepared to risk struggling financially to raise two children as a single parent, the way my mother had. I also wanted to ensure that I was well established in my career so that I could provide a better life for both myself and my future children. The fear of an unplanned pregnancy resonated strongly within me, making the potential realities of having to deal with one only all too surreal and mind blowing. It’s a revelation that I wish most young adults could relate to.
Today, I am married and have a much brighter outlook in life. However, we do not want to have children yet, as we both want to enjoy our marriage and focus on our careers. My husband and I often work long hours and we enjoy the flexibility of being able to go on holiday whenever our schedule permits, so having a child right now isn’t our priority. While we love children, having any now would not allow us to pursue what we want in life now.
We have been relying on condoms to prevent any unplanned pregnancies. Our choices were very limited as we were unaware of other contraception methods such as the Pill. However, one of the issues we had with condoms was that it can be rather “unromantic” and interruptive, where spontaneity is concerned. We were unsure about the Pill, fearing the possible side effects. It didn’t help that none of my close girlfriends were on the Pill, so I couldn’t get any advice on whether the Pill is a great alternative.
The Yes, I Can campaign has truly been enlightening for my husband and I – it put us on a road to discovery. Now I know that contraception does not equate to condoms alone. Contraception includes a wide range of methods such as the Pill, IUS, implants and vaginal rings. Through this, I have also come to realise that sex can actually be more enjoyable without the hassles of condom use, although I must point out that the condom is the only contraception method that prevents the transmission of STDs.
With regards to my “concerns” about the Pill’s side effects, I also learned that there is nothing to be worried about with newer Pills, especially not about the Pill causing weight gain. I am also amazed that there are so many non-contraceptive health benefits that the Pill offers – improving skin, besides reducing the risk to ovarian and endometrial cancer, as well as regulating your menstrual cycle.
Although turning to friends for advice on contraception seems to be the most convenient and natural thing to do, one must always remember that your doctor is the ultimate source of credible information when it comes to women’s sexual health related matters; contraception included. Don’t rely on inaccurate information especially from numerous online forums – speak to your doctor instead.
Armed with the right knowledge, any woman can be more than an empowered woman. You can be in control of your choices in life.
Elle Chin was our featured ambassador for the month of May 2011.